Florida man attacks neighbor for violating homeowner's association policies

In communities ruled by the iron fist of a homeowner's association, there are typically two types of residents: (1) those who still cling to some idea of common sense and, while generally following the rules, occasionally break them on the grounds that no one could possibly care and (2) those who know the rule book backwards and forwards and are constantly on the lookout for violators.

David Lawrence Berger, age 65, of Naples, Florida, falls into the second of these categories.  But in his defense, he is not one of those annoying people who spends his time frantically emailing or calling the HOA office or filling out official complaint forms.  No, sir.  When Berger locates a violator, he cares enough about the welfare of his community to take a personal stand for justice.

Just ask Mark Anthony Santos, who lives across the street from Berger, at least for the time being.  After Berger observed Santos committing egregious violations of HOA  policies, including placing his trash can in the wrong location and parking his car on the street, Berger knew he had to act swiftly to see that justice was served.

Being a fair man, Berger first confronted Santos personally, telling him that he was in violation of HOA policies and that he needed to do the responsible and considerate thing and just shape up or ship out.  A few days later, however, Berger discovered that Santos had not remedied these violations but was persisting in their commission.  At that point, he obviously had no other choice than to show Santos how serious he really was.

When Santos climbed into his car - which was no doubt abrasively parked in the street once again - Berger sprang into action.  He rushed to Santos' car and, using a mallet, began hammering on the roof of the vehicle while also shouting at Santos and attempting to punch him through the window.  Santos managed to capture some of the attack on video using his cell phone, which helped police determine injuries and who was at fault. 

After Berger's arrest, deputies viewed the video and also interviewed witnesses, including Berger's wife.  Lest the video of her husband punching a man over his choice of garbage can storage locations and parking spaces cause the police to take an unfair view of the situation, she clarified what was going on by informing police of Santos' continual violations.  

However, it does appear that police were not immediately aware of the serious nature of HOA violations, so they went ahead and booked Berger anyway.  Presumably, if there is any sense of justice in this world, once the HOA violations have been confirmed, police will release Berger and arrest the real criminal instead.

In all seriousness, this is just one of many examples in which HOA policies cause strife in neighborhoods, even though their very purpose is to bring peace and harmony.  Personally, I would never purchase a home under a contract that required me to follow a ridiculous set of rules set out by someone who was not hugged enough as a child and now needs to control the placement of other people's trash cans to feel valuable.  Call me old-fashioned, but if it's my property, I should be able to use it as I wish as long as I am not encroaching on someone else's property rights.  

Simon says, "I'm guilty."

We often hear the phrase "criminal mastermind" used on television, but the existence of true criminal masterminds are, by their very nature, impossible to prove.  A criminal mastermind would never get caught unless he got sloppy and stopped applying that mastermind to his work.

On the other hand, the news is never short on stories of criminals who neither possess a mastermind nor even, it seems, a mediocre mind.  Helping us with our illustration of such dumb criminals today is the charming Scott Simon of Pompano Beach.  Simon, age 24, is being charged with first-degree murder for his role in the shooting death of Nicholas Romondo Walker.  Police officers do not believe that Simon pulled the trigger but believe he was the "mastermind" who orchestrated the killing.  

So, how did police manage to lock on to Simon as a suspect?  Just a few minutes before Walker was fatally shot, Simon accidentally pocket-dialed 911 from his cell phone.  The recorded call reveals Simon talking with another person, as yet unidentified, and describing how he plans to follow Walker home and kill him.  Shortly thereafter, officers responded to a shooting incident on Interstate 95, only to discover that Nicholas Walker was the victim.  Because only a few minutes passed between the phone call and the murder, police were sadly unable to act in time to stop the murder from happening.  Walker was shot multiple times, and then he crashed.  He died at the scene.

Police are unsure of Simon's precise motivation but believe it has something to do with a conflict that arose shortly before the shooting at a local Waffle House.  Simon has a long history of arrests prior to this most recent one, but had it not been for his pocket dial, he might well have eluded prosecution in this particular case.  

Simon is hardly the first criminal to rat himself out via cell phone as the result of an ill-timed pocket dial.  Just a few months ago, we brought you the story of James Dollarhide, who also accidentally butt-dialed 911 from his cell phone, then proceeded to tell his two passengers in detail about his plans for the distribution of drugs.  Authorities listened in on his plans and tracked the call, finally obtaining Dollarhide's precise location and pulling over his vehicle.  For the details of that even more charming case, see The Butt-Dial Strikes Again.

Lest you think that Scott Simon and James Dollarhide are rare breeds, (which, fortunately for us, they are not), take a few minutes to read about some of our other favorites, including the car-carving vigilante, the accidental car thief, and the charter member of the Consumer Advocates for Better Crack.  Sometimes, there are people out there who can make you feel good simply by reminding you that, no matter how bad your day was, you're not them.  

Know of any dumb criminals in your town?  Email us your stories at whatsername34@gmail.com for a chance to have them featured on the blog.  Thanks for stopping by!

Woman doles out vigilante justice by keying stranger's car

If you are a frequent walker, I am willing to bet that one of your biggest pet peeves is the repeated failure of drivers to yield the right-of-way to you as a pedestrian.  Despite bright white crosswalk lines and frequent signs reminding them to let pedestrians cross, drivers still tend to barrel on through crosswalks without so much as a tap of the brakes or a nod of acknowledgement.  Even worse is when you are stumbling along in the rain or snow or on a cold and blustery day, lugging two bags of groceries, and some speed racer in a minivan decides he needs to get where he's going fourteen seconds earlier than anticipated and cuts you off.  It is beyond frustrating; it is infuriating.

A 23-year-old Florida woman named Natasha Myers must have had one too many of these encounters when she decided this week that it was time to fight back against drivers who fail to yield to pedestrians.  As recounted by the Tampa Bay Times, Ms. Myers used a key to scratch a likeness of male genitalia into the hood of 63-year-old Debra Streets' silver Kia SUV, which was parked in a local Publix store parking lot.  Then, to ensure her message was not misinterpreted, she entered the store and procured a post-it note from a helpful customer service representative, on which she wrote, "You didn't stop for pedestrians as is law. Since no cop to enforce a ticket, this should cover the cost of your fine. Have a good day. P.S. Don't be a d***."  

Streets emerged from the store shortly thereafter and discovered the damage and the explanatory note.  She called police from inside the store, and when they arrived, they were able to use store and parking lot surveillance to piece together what had occurred and to identify Ms. Myers, who apparently neglected to sign the note that she was kind enough to leave.  When confronted at her home, Myers admitted that she was the one who had done the etching and left the note, perhaps expecting the officers were there to thank and maybe even deputize her.  Instead, they arrested her on charges of criminal mischief, (which, by the way, always sounds like something that was so much fun it doesn't even matter that you got caught, though I am not sure that's how Myers is feeling about it now.)

Streets told police that she had entered the parking lot through a back entrance where people typically do not walk and that she did not have any encounters or confrontations with pedestrians along the way.  In fact, the whole episode may very well have been a case of mistaken identity.  Either way, I am quite sure Debra Streets will be careful to always yield to pedestrians in the future, whether she was guilty this time around or not, and for that, we have Natasha Myers to thank, which we will do just as soon as she is able to come up with $5,000 for bail.

Man flees police, stops for beer, continues fleeing

Florida police officers arrested 21-year-old Andrew Fatzinger after an extended foot chase that took place in the early morning hours of May 19.  Police were first alerted to Fatzinger's activities when a neighbor spotted him breaking into a nearby house.  The neighbor called police and said they had seen Fatzinger climb up to the second floor of the home and then heard the sounds of items being thrown and smashed inside.  When officers arrived at the house, Fatzinger was in the middle of squirting mustard and scribbling on the walls.  Understandably, he was likely at a loss to explain his actions, so instead of attempting to do so, Fatzinger ran.

Shortly thereafter, he was spotted a few blocks away.  Multiple police officers, including several members of the K-9 unit, pursued him.  Fatzinger, no doubt as stressed as anyone would be while being chased by police, must have decided he needed something to take the edge off because he then darted into another home, only to emerge moments later clutching two bottles of Heineken.

It was not long before one of the pups caught up with Fatzinger, at which point he did what every sane human being would do upon being approached by a large dog with sharp teeth who has been trained to pursue criminals.  He tried to punch the dog.

Details of what happened next are a little sketchy, but I think we can read between the lines by looking at a few key phrases in the original article detailing Fatzinger's arrest.  The article notes that Fatzinger was "taken to a hospital after tussling with a police K-9" and that he "suffered unspecified injuries during his encounter with the dog."  Later, it states that "Fatzinger was not able to attend a first appearance in court because of an undisclosed medical issue."  Hmm, was it perhaps one of those cases of having holes torn in your flesh by a pooch who is determined to make captain this year?

Regardless, there is some speculation that Fatzinger's somewhat less than rational behavior may have been drug-induced as he was previously incarcerated for drug-related offenses.  In this case, one certainly hopes so.

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EU sets aside debt crisis to focus on olive oil service

In October of 2011, my husband and I honeymooned in Europe, where we spent most of our time in Italy.  While there, the occasional English channel that we were able to locate on our hotel televisions was filled with dismal talk of the debt crisis.  In October of 2012, we vacationed in Turkey, where again we listened to journalists discussing how bad the European debt crisis still was.  Last week, we returned from a trip to Spain, where unemployment currently stands at 27%.  When we lit upon BBC in our Madrid hotel room, I remarked to my hubby that every time we come back to Europe, the news is the same as last time.

Well.  "Not anymore, thank you very much," said the European Union (EU) this week as it put aside its apparently fruitless labor on the debt crisis and focused its attention on another pressing issue: service of olive oil in EU restaurants.  According to a Reuters article, the European Commission introduced new rules to govern how olive oil is served, including rules stating that restaurants can no longer serve olive oil in glass jugs or serving dishes but instead must always bring it to the table in its original, non-refillable container.

The idea behind these rules is noble enough.  The EU wants to prevent restaurants from mixing the olive oil with an inferior product or otherwise diluting it.  However, how necessary is this measure?  If the olive oil is being diluted enough to affect the taste at a particular restaurant, people have another option besides government intervention.  It's called eating somewhere else.  If your palate is discerning enough to detect that you have just been served virgin olive oil when you were expecting extra virgin, then don't come back.

The EU defended its decision, saying that the new rules will help olive oil producers who have suffered major losses due to the afore-mentioned, apparently less-important European debt crisis problem.  To which one restaurant owner responded by saying that the new rules will prevent him from buying wholesale virgin olive oil direct from the producer and force him into a higher cost structure.  How driving up costs for already ailing restaurants will affect their bottom line and, consequently, the amount of olive oil they purchase, was not addressed by the EU's spokesman.

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Shoplifter tries to run down cops in getaway attempt

A Gainesville, Florida woman is in big trouble this week after she reportedly attempted to back over one police officer and then accelerate over another officer as they pursued and attempted to arrest her.  According to an article from the Gainesville Sun, Cassandra Leigh White Carson, age 50, left a Kohl's department store after neglecting to pay for about $300 worth of merchandise, only to discover that she had not been as discreet as she intended.  Police officers were waiting for her in the parking lot.

Cassandra Leigh White Carson following her short-lived life on the lam.

Rather than surrender and face the heat for shoplifting, Ms. Carson decided to take her chances on the road.  She jumped into her car and drove backwards towards an officer, who had to dive out of the way to avoid being struck.  She then drove forward towards another officer, reportedly at a high rate of speed.

Admittedly, if she did cross the $300 threshold, it would increase her possible incarceration from a maximum of one year, the punishment for retail theft of less than $300, to a maximum of five years, according to Florida shoplifting punishment laws.  However, Ms. Carson is now facing, in addition to the charges for grand theft, two charges of aggravated assault on a police officer, resisting arrest without violence, fleeing an officer, and leaving the scene of an accident.  (That last one stems from the vehicle she sideswiped on her way out of the parking lot en route to freedom.)

Despite her heroic, but rather misguided attempt to escape, Ms. Carson was apprehended by other officers shortly after she fled the parking lot.

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